Today was just one of those ordinary days.
Work was slow. I got done what I needed to do, nothing exciting.
It was cold, but that’s winter, isn’t it? You just get on with it.
One thing I’m really looking forward to is my lounge being painted this week.
I’ve finally chosen the colours, and I’m actually excited about it.
It’s funny how something as simple as paint can make you feel like your home is getting a fresh start.
I’m going to love it.
Tonight I went to my daughter’s for dinner.
Seeing her with that feeding tube still hits me every single time.
Ill never get used to it.
What really frustrates me is that the mental health team have tried to diagnose her with anorexia.
I just don’t see it.
She isn’t not eating because she wants to be thin. She isn’t obsessed with her weight. She’s not eating because her mind is so unwell that it’s convinced her she can’t.
That’s a completely different thing.
Maybe I’m wrong, but if they genuinely believe she has anorexia, then why aren’t they referring her to an eating disorder specialist? Why isn’t there a team that specialises in it?
It just doesn’t make sense to me. From where I’m standing, it feels like they’re putting a label on her without actually changing the treatment.
I know mental illness isn’t simple.
I know diagnoses overlap.
But when it’s your daughter, and you watch her getting thinner and thinner while being fed through a tube, you don’t care so much about the label. You care about whether she’s getting the right help.
Maybe I’m just a mum who can’t see the whole picture.
Or maybe sometimes the people living alongside someone with mental illness see things that don’t fit neatly into a diagnosis.
Either way, I just want my daughter back.
And until that happens, I’ll keep turning up, keep asking questions, and keep loving her, because that’s what mums do.
The Lady in the Back Row 