Category Archives: Uncategorized

It’s lovely to have my brother here. He loves my girl, and it’s heartbreaking to see her so unwell. Will the sickness break? Or will I keep watching it attack her mind and body? That question is a constant presence. The routine remains — work, school, animals, two houses, hospital. I try not to thinkContinue reading “Quiet Hope”

I wake too early, before the responsibility comes for the day. The full moon is still there. Pale. Lingering. Not ready to leave yet. For a moment, everything is quiet. Before the day starts asking things of me, before the noise, before the weight, I whisper a small prayer. I trust the future heard me.

Doom scroll. Sickness on repeat. Sunday’s responsibilities. Eighth hospitalisation. The new hospital is now open, she has a room with a beautiful view of the bay that stretches out to the city on a clear day. She is very unwell…… My brothers have been her only other family support. I am grateful. One comes tomorrowContinue reading “A Room with a View”

The calmness of less urgency today. No immediate rush of work, school, hospital. The last time I brought my dog here to sleep, (she needs to be chained at home,) she squashed her solid ten-year-old body into the tiny, sixteen-year-olds kennel, resulting in an opera of barking and crying all night. This time I triedContinue reading “Relieved to Change the Rhetoric.”

Finally, some relief. Hospital……….. Now it’s a different struggle. The juggle. Holding all the balls in the air. Work full time. Two houses. Three dogs. Two cats. Fish. School. Work says it supports people through crisis. Reality is quieter. You must be transparent to ask for flexibility. But not too transparent. Because honesty can becomeContinue reading “HOSPITAL”

Day nine without food. Four calls to mental health triage. Two ambulance calls. IRT aware. Services say she is “fine.” GP told her to go to hospital. She refuses. Kids start school today. How do I function knowing my child is starving, alone? If you rang a vet and said your dog hadn’t eaten inContinue reading “Day Nine”

Day eight with no food. My girl is the kindest, most loving, and supportive person I have ever known. It is the cruelest illness to watch her turn so negative about herself and starve because of delusional thoughts. Thoughts that convince her of the complete opposite of reality. She has a weekly appointment with theContinue reading “Day Eight”

Seven days without food. Third day calling triage. Trying to get someone to understand. Told Sunday’s case manager notes should have been enough. Told to call an ambulance. I did. She has a life-long, permanent mental illness. She cannot see she could die. Each day. A risk assessment. I am not a doctor. I juggleContinue reading “Day Seven”

Yesterday I was told to wait. Yesterday was the case manager appointment. Wait until she becomes dizzy. Wait until tomorrow’s appointment. Today triage says: If I think she needs emergency, call 000. She is on day six without food. She drinks small amounts of water. She can still walk. She is still delusional. From theContinue reading “Day Six”

No food Watching your child suffer through something so heinous is unbearable, particularly when she cannot understand that her life is at risk. The struggle to convince her to go to hospital continues. The case manager/ nurse has a scheduled visit today, Hoping that he sees the reality of what is happening and advocates forContinue reading “Day Five”

No food. Still arguing thresholds, not starved enough yet for admission. Care reduced to criteria. Life can’t be planned. I get angry. It’s the wrong reaction, but a predictable one. This illness is insidious. It removes people from reality and cannot be reasoned with. Time sits still, waiting…. Recovery or Death ? Suspended inside theContinue reading “Day Four”

I went looking for jade for wealth. Weeks of searching led me nowhere, too small, too showy, too much gold. And then I stopped on a piece I hadn’t been looking for: white jade with apple green, described as grounding for carers. It felt less like I chose it and more like it chose me.Continue reading “Chosen for Grounding: Finding Wealth in Care and Stillness”

I went to the office yesterday and was reminded how much I enjoy connecting with people, even though I often isolate myself working from home. Meeting great staff in the office highlighted a little contradiction: I’m a team leader, yet I don’t always feel like a people person. Still, I enjoy re-engaging with the world,Continue reading “Finding Connection”

The scent of gardenias greets me at the front door. The tomatoes have struggled this year, yet the gardenia is covered in more blooms than I have seen since moving here, August will mark three years. Some things flourish without effort, even when others do not. School holidays are drawing to a close, work isContinue reading “Where Things Quietly Thrive”

Before I dive into cleaning. Today’s plan: clear out old, unused clothes and make a bit of space. I’m also looking for a small piece of Grade A jade to bring good energy into the year. Funny how much of it is dyed or manufactured, made to look real when it’s not. A good reminderContinue reading “Choosing What’s Genuine”

Since I was 16, I have always had a partner. This Easter, I’ve been single for four years…… In this chapter of my life, I have found my way back to myself. They say being alone is dangerous, it shows you how content you can be. I used to look to partners for support, butContinue reading “Saturday Morning: Down the Rabbit Hole of Peace and Tranquility”

Friday is my favourite workday of the week. I move through the quiet rituals of my morning, tending to the fish, the dog and cat, pausing with the plants, breathing in the sweet scent of the garden. Enjoying my morning coffee, I read the news. The towering eucalyptus, magnificent, radiant…. its bark peeling to revealContinue reading “Friday Morning Rituals ✨”

Pilates at 6 am. I am new, not strong, and surrounded by women who appear to have been born doing Pilates. Still, I survived and that feels like a win. Also attempting to give up smoking for what must be the thousandth time. I am experienced at quitting by now. Let’s see how this roundContinue reading “6 am Barre and Other Questionable Life Choices”

Mental health struggles affect not just the person living with them, but everyone who loves them. Misunderstanding or judgment adds weight to an already heavy load. Mental illness can change how a brain works, so what looks like defiance is often just symptoms. Patience and empathy don’t fix it, but they make the journey easier.