Today was just an ordinary day.
Worked from home, school runs, two houses, animals, keeping everything moving, and then straight to the hospital again at night.
It’s 9pm now we are at the hospital, I lay on the bed, switch off and relax, scrolling while they play beside me.
The younger child always with me the older child finds it too hard to see his mother so unwell so stays behind.
My daughter has always played games with the kids and still does, even while hooked up to a NGT tube and machine on wheels in hospital.
The hospital room itself is at least a lovely space, modern, family friendly, her own room with a nice view, it makes things feel a little less clinical and heavy.
She is still refusing to eat and expressing distressing beliefs around food and showering.
She seems lucid at times, which makes it even harder, but then shifts into fixed thoughts that are clearly part of the illness.
It’s heartbreaking to watch and incredibly hard on everyone around her.
She believes that eating would be “too kind” to herself, which is deeply upsetting.
Nothing exciting happened today and nothing much has changed, small quiet moments together.
Our normal.
The Lady in the Back Row 