Exhale

I’ve realised I missed another Sunday writing again.

I honestly don’t even know what I’m thinking or doing lately.

Life feels like one long blur of hospital visits, work, stress, and trying to hold everything together.

My daughter has been in hospital for almost a month this time.

I am trying to hold together two households, help raise the kids, keep working full-time, and somehow keep functioning while watching someone I love fight to survive.

They started her on a medication that is supposed to be a game changer, and also the last option left.

Three weeks in, and nothing has changed yet. She’s still relying on a nasogastric tube, and the waiting is heartbreaking.

I have been smoking too much, drinking too much, and honestly I don’t even know why I started drinking.

Maybe exhaustion.

Maybe trying to switch my brain off for five minutes.

But today Is a new day.

Woke up at 3.00am, can’t sleep.

Putting a patch on to try to stop smoking, won’t be having a drink.

Trying to look after myself properly.

Trying to be a bit healthier this week.

I’m still here.

Still getting up. Still trying.

And for now, that has to be enough.