The Lady in the Back Row

One week left of the holidays, I can feel the shift.

Today’s cooler.

Slower.

Time to get out into the yard and actually deal with it, dig up the dirt, level it off, and lay the pavers flat so everything looks neat and settled.

There are appointments, as always, but they don’t feel overwhelming today, they fit around the day instead of taking it over.

A slow day.

A steady day.

Breathing space, and a chance to quietly get things done.

Much better.

Excited for the kids being excited over their collectible cards.

Sorting stuff out, bit by bit.

Nice being outside too, sunshine and that wind going through, just feels good.

House work, normal work, glad to not be at work.

Ticking off the list of things needing to be done, the important things you don’t get time for when you work full-time.

Heartbreaking looking at my daughter, been in hospital for I don’t even know how many days now, just looking more and more frail.

Still need to polish the car… and I really need to plant the peas again (and actually cover them this time so the birds don’t get them.

Cleaning, de cluttering, proper clean-out.

All the rubbish, all the stuff you just never throw out often enough… just get rid of it.

Feels good once you actually start.

Somewhere in between that, I need to get my licence photo, a flu shot.

Then all the life admin… dentist, doctor, appointments for everyone.

And in the middle of it all, waiting on the hospital.

Waiting for them to do the right tests so we can get the right medication sorted.

Feels like we’re all just sitting in suspension, stuck waiting for things to move.

Today’s kind of day… pulling rooms apart, clearing out rubbish, finally getting to all the things that never seem to fit into normal life.

Soft drizzle outside, that quiet grey that makes everything feel slower and somehow better.

No urgency this morning, just space to wake up properly.

Planted three tubs of peas… and they’re all gone.

Birds got them.

Didn’t even think to cover them, lesson learnt, I’ll try again.

Hospital visits, two houses, three dogs, two cats, a school of fish to juggle, cleaning, cooking… but no rush.

Just moving through it all, one thing at a time.

Yesterday was for Easter, slow, warm, and full of little moments, so the clocks didn’t get touched and neither did much else.

And honestly, that felt right.

Today is different. Today’s the reset.

Clocks need changing, the house needs a proper clean, animals need sorting, and there’s always something to build or fix.

Life doesn’t pause, even after a good day.

So today is about getting things back in order.

A bit of mucking around, a bit of responsibility, and just getting on with it.

Real life, after a really lovely day 💛

Easter magic this morning……,we woke up to find the Easter Bunny had been 🐰🍫

The excitement never fades.

With petrol prices the way they are, the free train made the decision easy, so we headed into the city for the day.

It was busy, lots of people out enjoying the sunshine and such a nice, warm day.

We had lunch at a pizza place, then spent time wandering around the shops looking for Pokémon and Dragon Ball Z cards.

That was definitely a highlight.

We also picked up a dozen of our favourite little cheesecake tarts simple things, but so good.

After a day in the city, we caught the train back home and are now heading up to the hospital for a visit.

A really lovely day, busy, warm, and full of those small, meaningful moments 💛

Happy days, happy days.

The Easter Bunny comes tonight.

And I am genuinely happy about that, because the kids deserve that magic.

So yes, let’s make it a nice day for the children. Let them have the excitement, the chocolate, the joy.

And on a good note , my eldest granddaughter is home. A little tiff with her mum, now sorted.

That’s happy news, and I’m holding onto that.

But this morning, after taking my daughter to emergency last night and watching her have a nasogastric tube put in, I have already had to speak to the hospital manager this morning.

This is the tenth admission.

Holding all of this at once is a lot ….trying to protect something light for the kids, while dealing with something that feels so heavy behind the scenes.

Because this shouldn’t keep happening.

Mental health says one thing. Medical says another.

No coordination. No continuity.

Just the same revolving door, over and over again.

And yes, my anger gets the better of me sometimes.

But it’s because I have to keep repeating myself, the same history, the same reality, to services that still aren’t properly working together.

Don’t they know how to use AI and summarise.

If I don’t push, nothing changes.

And that’s what really sits with me.

Because not everyone has someone who can advocate like this.

Not everyone can keep fighting when they’re already exhausted.

Care shouldn’t depend on who speaks the loudest.

It should just work.

So today, I will make it a good day for the children.

I will hold onto the small wins.

I will take the happy where I can.

But something has to change because this cycle isn’t care.

Happy Easter.

Even here. Even now. 🐣✨

Four years single today.

Best thing that ever happened.

Now?

No noise.

No criticism.

No walking on eggshells.

Just peace, real peace.

And the longer it goes, the better it gets.

You stop settling, stop explaining yourself, stop needing anyone else to feel okay.

Then there’s real life.

Back to the hospital again today, hearing the same line….three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food.

That works on paper.

Not when it’s your child.

You don’t count weeks. You watch every hour.

But even with that, my peace is still mine.

It keeps me steady, keeps me thinking straight, keeps me showing up.

Good Friday means something additional to me now every year.

It’s a very Good Friday!

18 days leave, nothing big planned. Just staying home, breathing, slowing down.

Life still moving though.

Eldest grandson with a knee the size of a balloon after crashing his bike.

Eldest granddaughter with me for now, while things settle.

In between all that, made an Easter bonnet with the youngest.

Sat at school listening to “Hot cross buns, one a penny, two a penny”, waiting for the parade.

Funny how the simplest moments end up meaning the most.

A mix of chaos, care, and really good memories.

What an interesting day.

Last day of work, busy tying up loose ends before a couple of weeks’ leave.

Yesterday’s doctor’s appointment brought something new: finally, a proper plan after almost two years.

Then my eldest granddaughter called for a lift. Dinner turned into back-and-forth trips after a fight with her mum and back to her friends.

Not the day I expected, but definitely an interesting one.