Author Archives: The Lady in the Back Row.

Day nine without food. Four calls to mental health triage. Two ambulance calls. IRT aware. Services say she is “fine.” GP told her to go to hospital. She refuses. Kids start school today. How do I function knowing my child is starving, alone? If you rang a vet and said your dog hadn’t eaten inContinue reading “Day Nine”

Day eight with no food. My girl is the kindest, most loving, and supportive person I have ever known. It is the cruelest illness to watch her turn so negative about herself and starve because of delusional thoughts. Thoughts that convince her of the complete opposite of reality. She has a weekly appointment with theContinue reading “Day Eight”

Seven days without food. Third day calling triage. Trying to get someone to understand. Told Sunday’s case manager notes should have been enough. Told to call an ambulance. I did. She has a life-long, permanent mental illness. She cannot see she could die. Each day. A risk assessment. I am not a doctor. I juggleContinue reading “Day Seven”

Yesterday I was told to wait. Yesterday was the case manager appointment. Wait until she becomes dizzy. Wait until tomorrow’s appointment. Today triage says: If I think she needs emergency, call 000. She is on day six without food. She drinks small amounts of water. She can still walk. She is still delusional. From theContinue reading “Day Six”

No food Watching your child suffer through something so heinous is unbearable, particularly when she cannot understand that her life is at risk. The struggle to convince her to go to hospital continues. The case manager/ nurse has a scheduled visit today, Hoping that he sees the reality of what is happening and advocates forContinue reading “Day Five”

No food. Still arguing thresholds, not starved enough yet for admission. Care reduced to criteria. Life can’t be planned. I get angry. It’s the wrong reaction, but a predictable one. This illness is insidious. It removes people from reality and cannot be reasoned with. Time sits still, waiting…. Recovery or Death ? Suspended inside theContinue reading “Day Four”

I went looking for jade for wealth. Weeks of searching led me nowhere, too small, too showy, too much gold. And then I stopped on a piece I hadn’t been looking for: white jade with apple green, described as grounding for carers. It felt less like I chose it and more like it chose me.Continue reading “Chosen for Grounding: Finding Wealth in Care and Stillness”

I went to the office yesterday and was reminded how much I enjoy connecting with people, even though I often isolate myself working from home. Meeting great staff in the office highlighted a little contradiction: I’m a team leader, yet I don’t always feel like a people person. Still, I enjoy re-engaging with the world,Continue reading “Finding Connection”

The scent of gardenias greets me at the front door. The tomatoes have struggled this year, yet the gardenia is covered in more blooms than I have seen since moving here, August will mark three years. Some things flourish without effort, even when others do not. School holidays are drawing to a close, work isContinue reading “Where Things Quietly Thrive”